The last post about baby care was inspired by living next to a family of Mormons for two months, but I ended up writing about Isil. (I had also just seen a very disturbing documentary about the Isil child camps.) I’m going to try to correct that in this post.
All problems boil down to our treatment of our children. If we could only raise healthy adults we could end the world’s problems. Really! That statement is overly simple but stick around and hopefully you’ll get my drift.
My seemingly newfound obsession with childrearing, let’s not even call it abuse, is simply to point out that when we teach our children to blindly follow our instructions we take away their ability to think for themselves and to question what they’re being taught. Most of what we teach our children are things we were taught and we never questioned. I knew the Mormons encourage corporal punishment such as beating, sometimes whipping, and raping their children, but what I didn’t know was they don’t talk to their children. That is extreme neglect: and physical punishment mixed with extreme neglect is subtle mind control that makes for adults who can either be dominated or who want to dominate.
Not talking makes the babies’ brain like a clean slate, and that slate can be filled with any ridiculous notions the parent wants to program the child with: ideals like war, prejudice, rape, terror, stealing, hate and murder are okay if no one can see it and you don’t get caught. Girls in the Mormon, Satanic and Southern Christian Churches have to accept rape as a way of life, and that further demoralizes them.
I was watching Charlie Rose and a show about the Brain and Parenting. &Charlie had on a panel of psychologists talking about playing with and talking to babies. If you don’t talk to your babies they will have brain damage that can’t be undone. The study showed you had to start talking to your children before two years of age. That was the cut off and they showed pet scans of the brains of children whose parents interacted with them and those who didn’t. The interaction could be that you play with your children or read to them or cuddle with them and make them feel loved and included in your life. (Do not molested or rape them!) But simply talking to them makes them feel a part of your life and that’s what they want, they want to be a part of you. You can’t beat that connection into them.
Teach your infants how to communicate because older children feel the need to talk almost constantly if no one talks to them. Parents have the mistaken belief that if you talk to your child they will bore you by talking too much. Actually, the opposite is true. The more you talk to your child the less your child will feel the need to talk to you all the time, because she’s secure in the knowledge that she’s part of your life.
Since I live in my little 22-year-old RV I get different neighbors all the time. It’s very interesting meeting new people and I enjoy that. This past winter a young woman and three of her children would come over to visit her father, their grandfather, and they’d stay for four hours a day. There was one five-year-old boy, one 19-month-old girl, and one 7-month-old girl. The boy talked all the time – non-stop, and no one ever answered him. The 19-month-old girl cried all the time – non-stop, and it hurt my nerves because it was so unnecessary. The seven-month-old cried from time to time but she was sitting on her mother’s lap and got a bit of attention. Since there was only 12 months between the sisters it’s unlikely the middle sister got much lap time at a very young age. It was the 19-month-old girl who I worried about the most. Something was obviously wrong for four hours and neither the grandfather nor the mother ever asked that girl what was wrong. (RVs are parked very close to one another, so you hear everything) One day, after this had gone on for a month, the 19-month-old girl really screamed for two hours. She was in some kind of pain, not excruciating pain, I figured she had terrible diaper rash and was probably wet and in a good deal of pain. I kept thinking the grandfather just didn’t want to change the diaper, so I finally went over there because I couldn’t stand it anymore. The grandfather and the mother were both sitting in the trailer. The 19-month-old sat screaming on the floor. I was surprised to see the mother was there. So in short, there were two adults sitting quietly, doing nothing, in a tiny space that included a nonstop screaming toddler.
I asked what was wrong and the reply was they didn’t know, “She just screams like that.” I said, “But something’s wrong, she’s in pain or something, why don’t you ask her what’s wrong?” And the grandfather laughed at me and replied, “You can’t talk to a 19-month-old. They just cry for no reason.” I said they never cry for no reason. I asked the baby girl what was wrong and she looked at me with a blank stare. After I left the mother spanked the 19-month-old and left. The grandfather, who was 56 years old, came by to scold me for saying anything. He said his daughter was afraid I would try to take his grandchildren away and that they already had four children taken away. I said, “I wouldn’t try to get her children taken away, I just would like to hear her talk to her children.” I wouldn’t try to take her children away because there are some horrible, dangerous adults in the foster care system.
My mind was swimming after that. How can you be afraid someone will take children away and not alter the behavior that caused other children to be taken away from you? This was a good example of parenting our children the same way our parents treated us.
Every day after that I told the grandfather to tell his daughter to talk to her children. But she refused day after day after day. I’m sure she thought she was right and I was wrong. She got her parenting advice from the Mormon Church and Dr. Phil! (OMG people don’t get parenting advice from Dr. Phil – it’s like taking advice from the devil himself. Dr. Phil spends more time and money on lawsuits against people who’ve been on his show and had their lives ruined, than the staff he has working on the show. He’s a horrible, evil, greedy man.)
That Mormon mother essentially let that child know that trying to communicate was a painful thing. Trying to communicate got her hurt even worse than the pain that started her crying in the first place. No matter what that child did, no matter how hard she cried and screamed, no one would pay any attention to her. There was no way to get her needs met, and she learned that trying to get her needs met was wrong and punishable by “spanking.”
I saw no future for that child. Her grandfather and mother were both borderline retarded. They were teaching their child to be retarded, and by not meeting her needs, they were teaching her to be a sociopath. I could see only hardship in her future and emotional pain. What kind of life where they preparing her for?
So here’s the thing, if you have a baby and she cries – she’s crying for a reason. It’s up to you to establish communication. At around six weeks, the baby firms up from being a floppy new-born to being an infant, and her cries become very distinct. Try to say the words that help to understand what the cries are. Like, if her diaper was wet, I would say the words diaper and wet. For hunger I would say hungry or ba-ba and pretty soon she responded well when I said the words that corresponded with the particular problem.
By 19 months my daughters could talk. They could communicate in sentences. So for someone to tell me that talking to babies is impossible was very upsetting. Each time I would ask that the mother talk to her children I was met with, “You can’t talk to children until they learn to talk,” in a tone that let me know I was an idiot. No amount of logic or reasoning could change their idea.
The pet scans of the children who had no one to love them had very little brain activity. If the mother of those three children loves those children she needs to show them that she loves them. So I found the link to that Charlie Rose show about the Brain and parenting and wrote that down along with a note for her and gave it to the grandfather who said she was going to watch it. I hope she does – it will change her life dramatically, and save the lives and future of her daughters.