The Force Awakens another Call

The Force Awakens another Call

Lucas had asked if he should do another Star Wars movie. I said I thought it was in the works.

“What was?” he asked.

“Star Wars 7.” I was surprised I was wrong about that – I was so sure that had been the plan all along. “I thought the plan was Star Wars 4, 5 and 6; then 1, 2 and 3; then 7, 8 and 9.”

“No that was never the plan. You think there should be three more Star Wars movies? Three?”

“That’s what I thought. I thought when Hamill, Harrison and Carrie signed their contracts they signed to do 7, 8 and 9, sometime in the future, too.”

He laughed, “Ah, no.” He paused, “You mean do the same characters in the future? You think we should use the same actors?”


“But they’re…”

“Old? But everyone looks older after thirty years. What were you thinking – have the same characters but different actors?”

“If we picked up where 6 left off we could use different actors.”

“The movies aren’t sequential anyway, why couldn’t you just make one were everyone is older? By the time you get to 9 they’ll all be in walkers.” (You know from the hype and the trailers they are the same actors; so he did that. I’m excited.)

“What should 7 be about?”

“My brother and I want more about the Force. I’ll bet lots of people want that.”

“That’s my number one request.”

“So do that.”


“I hadn’t thought about that.”

This next call came 10 years after the phone call that began with the trouble he was having with his son, (Or more accurately, his son was having with him.) Lucas called only a few times over the past 40 years. In order to get this call through, he changed his phone number, because when he called on his number they wouldn’t let the call get to me. So, since we’re on the subject of Star Wars 7, I thought I’d add this into the Blog posts about the Force Awakens. This is what I’m afraid JJ will leave out.

Lucas explained again who he was. He thanked me for my advice. He told me the same things he had told me 10 years before, that he knew me when I was a teenager, that we got along very well, and that he was a good friend of George Lucas and George asked him to call to get some information about the Force. He told me I had suggested putting more about the Force into the next Star Wars movie, but the problem was that he and George didn’t exactly know how to put it.

“Well, think about it. What do you think about the Force?” Lucas asked me.

“My middle daughter has a friend, named Miles, from high school who became a quantum physicist; he’s working on String Theory.”

“Does String Theory have something to do with the Force?”

“Kinda, sorta, in-a-way. I’ll explain it to you as best I can in layman’s terms. The way I understand it is, and this is overly simplified but I think it captures the gist of the theory. All matter is made up of atoms that make up molecules and there’s space between all those electrons, neutrons and protons so how do they stay together? A Scientist felt there may be tiny, itty-bitty rubberbands that hold the tiniest microscopic particles together. The “strings” can’t be seen with any microscope so Miles and the rest of the team are trying to prove that they’re there. But they can’t and I told Miles they can’t because they don’t exist. I told him instead of wasting anymore time trying to prove String Theory I’d bet he has more than enough evidence to disprove String Theory. Miles was greatly relieved by the suggestion because he was very depressed by the idea he’d have to keep trying to prove it, even though he was sure they didn’t exist. I said it must be like looking for a needle in a haystack when there is no needle. He almost cried and said that’s exactly what it’s like. Anyway, strings don’t exist because I have my money on energy. I think energy holds everything together,” I said.

“Do you believe in God?” I asked.

“Yes, and you?”

“Yes. And I believe that God is energy. Not an old man in the sky with the gray beard,” we both laughed. “All matter is energy. The rocks are energy, we are energy.”

“And Carbon.”

“Yes, carbon. But what I’m saying is, instead of strings or tiny rubber bands holding everything together the way it should be, there is energy holding everything together. And in fact, I believe that everything, all the molecules and atoms and everything, are made up of energy – so we are essentially energy, along with everything else on the planet.”

“I think I’ve read something about that,” Lucas replied.

“Yeah me too, everything in the universe, not just this planet but the whole universe is made up of energy. It’s always expanding and moving.”

“The space time continuum,” Lucas added.

“The Big Bang’s a theory that I’ve always suspected, and it didn’t even have to be that big a bang to start things in motion, it could’ve been a flick of God’s fingertip that started it, and I think that at the heart of the Big Bang, I think the ball of something that blew up to become the planets and the Universe, that was energy. And God, who is made of energy, used some of His energy to create that ball.”

“So, the Force, where does that come in?” Lucas prodded trying to get me back on track, although I had never lost the track, I was getting there via the scenic route.

“So all the things, us, the rocks, the oceans, the planets and the universe are all energy. And if we linked up our energy, each of us, if we linked up with God and all that energy He has, and then link that to the area we’re in, it would be a mighty, mighty force that could literally move mountains.” Then I mumbled something about moving mountains and how you’d probably need everyone in the state to do that; and Yoda making a spaceship rise out of a lagoon, and how a spaceship filled with water would be infinitely heavier than one filled with air, and how I didn’t think one person could do that, although I wasn’t sure.

“But you can’t say it’s God. I’ve been wanting to do that this whole time and everyone tells me it would offend people, there are people who don’t believe in God.”

“F_ck ’em. I mean, really, if that’s what you want to say then just say it. I think people need to hear it; I think people would like to know more about the Force and if that includes knowing more about God then that’s what you have to do. It’s a moral imperative. It’s not like you’re gonna start telling them to go to church or something. There’s no organized religion that gives that kind of power to its followers. Anyway, this country is over 80% Christian, and 28% are other religions that believe in God. Only 1% say they’re atheists and you can’t mollycoddle to 1%.”

“What do you think would happen if I, uh George, added God into the Star Wars movies?”

“Do you agree with me about the Force? Is that what George Lucas thinks the Force is? He has to be true to himself. People are genuinely interested in what George Lucas thinks. Personally, I think it would be a relief to most people to know that the Force includes God. These are tough times, people should know that there’s something they can do to get us out of this.”

“Do you think the Force could do that? Change the world, I mean. Do you think these movies have that kind of power?” Lucas asked with a touch of hopefulness in his voice.



And that, my fellow Star Warriors, is what I’m afraid will be left out of Star Wars 7.

Please link your site to this site and May the Force be with you. Merci

Posted in Lynn Mickelsen, Metaphysics, Physics, Reclaiming My Life!, Religon, Science, the Force | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The Force Awakens -Spoiler Alert -Part 3

There were so many things we both wanted to say but couldn’t. We didn’t know the consequences of the call because if Lucas had, he wouldn’t have called.

Phone Call that became the Force Awakens Star Wars episode 7

The ‘What If – If Only’ Game

I told Lucas I admire and respect a man who can admit to being wrong and then make changes. I told him I wished more presidents or heads of state had that quality. He said he saw it as a sign of weakness. I said I saw it as a sign of an ability to reassess a situation and as a sign of intelligence. I said I thought most wars start because some head of state wouldn’t back down, and that’s a bad thing. (I hope that’s in the movie.) After a while, once I was happy with Lucas’ decision to mend things with his son, we talked about other things. He asked if I ever thought my life could be different. I told him I don’t play that game, because that’s a game you can never win.

“What game?”

“The ‘what if – if only’ game. I used to play it but then I realized it was a game I couldn’t win, and I only wind up sad, especially if I think of something I could have done differently and things would be different.”

“I do that a lot. Too much,” he said glumly.

“You shouldn’t because chances are you did everything right with the information you had at the time. Sometimes, things change or you’ve had more time to think about things and now you can see another path you could have taken. So don’t even think about that because you did what you could with the time you had, so you have to accept the consequences and move on. It is what it is. If you play the ‘what if’ game with new information, it’s not fair, because there’s new information or because you’ve had more time to think. But neither of those, neither the time nor the information was available so nothing can ever be different.”

“But there are things I should have thought of. There are things I should have done differently.”

“We’re not talking about your son, are we?” I knew we weren’t, we were talking about us. I still couldn’t remember him. I’d been wracking my brain the whole time. “You can’t go back in time, time travel is impossible, so the ‘what if- if only’ game is something that could never work and you just get sad. Sometimes, I get so sad I cry, so when I catch myself doing that I have to stop.”

“Me too, I cry too if I think about some of the things that might have been. You’re right, though, you can’t go back in time so it makes no sense to think about those things. How do you stop?”

“I call myself Miss Havisham, you know, from Great Expectations?” Lucas didn’t know so I told him she was a Dickens character who spent her life living in a wedding dress because she had been left at the altar: then Lucas knew who she was. She spent her whole long life waiting for her groom to come back. “I scold myself,” I told Lucas, “I say ‘stop it Miss Havisham’ because I can’t dwell on the past and what might have been. I can’t allow myself to feel sorry for myself. I find something to do to take my mind off of what’s making me sad.”

“Like work? Sometimes I bury myself in work.”

“Yeah work is good for that.” I had to shift the subject a little. Something told me to tell him about my dreams. “Maybe my life is better in my dreams.” It turned out to be a subject was just as painful.

(When we talked I didn’t remember him, but there had been many, many other things they took away from me that I did remember. Now that I remember Lucas I have a hard time stopping myself from being miserable over all the things they took away from me. I know he’s out there and I can’t get to him; and he knows I’m out here and he can’t get to me. The memory of this part of the conversation is excruciating.)

My Dreams

I told Lucas that, “For years I had another life in my dreams – a little, cozy home with a husband and children, only a different house than the one I lived in with different children and a different husband and we were happy, we were so happy together.” As I told him I realized it was probably him I had dreamed about for all those years. I had been so unhappily married that I made another life for myself in my dreams, one that was simple and happy. Lucas was silently crying – he knew it too. I told him, “For the past 3 or 4 years the house has been different. I’m alone and fighting to keep the house. Sometimes I get so hurt and exhausted I have to wake myself up.” Lucas asked if anyone was with me, I said, “Sometimes there’s a man in black, but he stays in the shadows.”

We had talked a little bit about the his home because I was picturing it as he was talking to me about his son. I could see him walking past an array of large windows where there was a slight bend in the house, and I could picture his son upstairs. I could see that the house was high on a hill that may have looked like a mountain because it was right up against the ocean or another large body of water. So Lucas knew that I had a pretty good idea of what his house looked like, and he asked me if his was the house in my dream. I really think it was hard to describe the house to him because it was his home and I thought he may not think of it the same way I could see it, and I could only see it through his eyes at this point. (I can’t do things like that with just anyone, mind you, but certain people are what I call an ‘easy read.’ Very open, intelligent and honest people leave their mind accessible. It’s the way everyone should live because then we would have to have World Peace.)

I was afraid to tell him that the house I had been dreaming about was the house he was standing in, because I was pretty sure that would hurt him. (He’s a very sensitive guy, something I dearly love about him. His tears during the call were more from frustration than anything. I knew, just because I was reading his mind, that he wanted me there now more than he ever had, and it was hard on me, too, to know I had been dreaming about him for so many years. I didn’t dare say that. It was his home that I had never seen and yet I’d been dreaming about it for probably the past four years. I have to point out that ESP is our sixth sense that is an essential part of our beings because it’s the ONLY way we can talk to God and get answers; so God gave everyone ESP. George Lucas believes in ESP because he has it and uses it, he just needs to trust it more. Remember, the only difference between can and can’t is a ‘T.’) Lucas told me the house was built at the same time I began dreaming about it. Sad but true. But, in the dream it was something more, something bigger than just a house and a home. “People kept breaking in telling me to get out; telling me the house was theirs: but I knew better, I knew the house belonged to me and the dream man in black who stayed in the house with me but I could never see. The evil people just wanted to get us out because they were going to destroy the house. It was our house and not a house for evil people. The people could have stayed to visit had they been good people who wanted the same things as we did, but these were horrible people. So horrible that I could feel them before I could see them, I could feel the evil come into the house. It was kind of the same feeling,” I told Lucas, “as you get when you see Jabba the Hutt in his lair, kind of a sickening uneasy feeling. I’d get that feeling in the dream. At first everything was nice because the house was so beautiful I could hardly believe it was mine, but then I could feel them come in and the house felt different and I knew I would have to fight.”

“Tell me about the man in black,” Lucas prodded.

“He’s there, sometimes I can see him there, but he never comes too close, he never comes close enough to fight with me, not right alongside me. He’s always someplace off to the side usually there’s a staircase or something and he’s standing under it in a shadow. He helps me though. He does things that help me, it doesn’t look like he’s fighting very hard, but that doesn’t bother me because I know he’s fighting as hard as he possibly can even though it may not look like it, I can tell. Sometimes I don’t see him at all, but I know he’s there fighting with me, I can feel him, and it makes me feel better knowing that he’s there.” We both needed to take a breath.

“Is it easier for you? Is it easier, I mean, are you still just as exhausted. Do you have to fight less hard when he’s there? Do you always win when he’s there?”

“I always win when he’s there. When he’s not there I have to wake myself up because I’m hurt and exhausted and I’m afraid I’m not going to win. But I always win when he’s there. When he’s not there it’s harder because it’s harder to fight if you don’t know anyone is in your corner, you start to question whether you should keep fighting, especially if you don’t feel like you can do enough. I get that feeling a lot in the dream, that what I do will never be enough.”

“I know that feeling. It’s a horrible feeling. I know that feeling well. So what do you do?”

“Well, if my dream man is there, I fight harder. In answer to your question ‘do I have to fight less hard when he’s there,’ I think the answer is – I fight harder when he’s there. When he’s there I know I’m right. He’s a good man, I can tell that, I can sense it and I know that if this good man thinks I’m right, then I know I’m right, so I fight harder.”

Lucas asked what types of things my dream man did, so I told him some other things that I’d seen the man in black do and say. He asked what I did to defend the house. I said. “I kick and claw and punch, I throw furniture and sometimes I use a sword because they’re always armed with clubs and knives.”

“You fight that hard, do you? Compared to you, the dream man does next to nothing, he’s not doing enough,” Lucas laughed.

“Next to nothing? I told you, he does everything he can, how dare you laugh at him. Don’t besmirch the man of my dreams. He does all that he can, and that’s enough, that’s more than enough because then I start to win. I told you I win when he’s there. It may seem, on the surface, as though I fight harder but he does all he can and that’s enough, it has to be enough because together we win,” I reprimanded him. “If someone does all that he can, then that’s enough. It has to be enough because no one can do more than he can do.”

The Force Awakens

The sentiment that if you do all that you can, then you’ve done enough; will be in the Force Awakens. It’s always been my belief that everyone works as hard as he or she is able. It may appear that someone does not, but he or she is trapped by his or her own mind.

Changing your mind or admitting you’re wrong is a sign of strength – not weakness.

Don’t play the ‘what if – if only’ game because it’s a game you can’t win. I think Chewy will think she could have done something different that would have prevented Han’s death. She will have to realize that she did all she could, accept that and move on.

You can fight harder and more effectively when someone is fighting with you and you’re fighting for good. I think ALL the Star Wars movies have that as a central theme.

The Force is stronger when you fight on the side of good. Lucas and I agreed the Force is God’s energy that we can attach our energy to. We take on the extra energy of the Force when we’re fighting for a righteous cause.

Posted in Reclaiming My Life!, Religon, Science, the Force | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Force Awakens Spoiler Alert

Phone call Force Awakens Part 2

(Just a little reminder from part one, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Steve Jobs all had parents who thought that listening to children would be boring. Think about what you’ll be missing out on if you don’t listen to your children. All three of them had parents who felt they were being disrespectful by having thoughts independent of theirs.)

John Lennon wrote, “When they’ve tortured and scared you for 20 odd years, then they expect you to pick a career, when you can’t really function – you’re so full of fear. A working class hero is something to be.” John Lennon’s parents, too, were disappointed in his career choice. His father was distant and disapproving, and his mother was abusive. (What can I tell you, I hung around with some pretty great people.)

In this post I’m going to go into more detail about the end of the phone conversation that included how George Lucas repaired things with his son. I tried to write past it but couldn’t. There will be at least 4 posts about the Force Awakens call after this.

The Call Part 2

I told Lucas, when I was a teen there was a boy in my group of friends who had an early curfew. I didn’t tell him exactly how early because it was earlier than 10:30: but I told Lucas that I wouldn’t date that boy because I felt like there must be something wrong with him because he had to be home so early. I said the other boys in the group did some pretty nasty things to that boy, I thought perhaps they were trying to get him to man up. I told him about the time they stole a Dip sign and put it on the lawn in front of his house. I said, “I’m just saying, if you wake up one morning and find a Dip sign in your front yard, just know that you helped to put it there.” (In America a Dip is a wimpy kid with few friends. A dip sign is a road sign that warns of a low spot in the road. It is illegal and dangerous to drivers to steal street signs, so don’t do it.)

Lucas still didn’t want to change his son’s curfew because he saw it as a sign of weakness or something. The respect thing was a real bugaboo for him. So I said, “I hate it when people ask for advice and then they don’t listen.”

“I’m listening.”

“No you’re not. I just told you that I wouldn’t date that boy because his curfew was too early and I felt like there must be something wrong with him.”

“You mean the boy with the Dip sign?”

“Yeah, that boy.” I knew he was a tiny bit confused so I waited a second, but he still didn’t get it. “If I were 17 would I be the type of girl you’d want your son to date?”

“You’re exactly the type of girl I’d want for my son.”

“I just told you, I wouldn’t date him, I mean if I were 17, I wouldn’t date him. I just told you that and you didn’t listen. You’re changing his life. You’re changing the girls he wants to date, you’re making him date other girls. And if you keep doing things like that he’ll end up marrying someone he doesn’t like, or someone different, because that’s what you want – not what he wants.”

“He can marry anyone he wants.”

Oh, Jeeze, “You’re not listening to me. What about next year? He’s a senior now, isn’t he going to college next year? Is he going away to college?”

Lucas was devastated to admit, “He’s going as far away as he can get.” This time George gulped a few times but couldn’t hide the tears; I gave him a minute. When people asked him that question he probably usually said, ‘Oh yeah, he’s going to the East Coast,’ or something simple like that. But for him to put it so bluntly and so clearly was more than just difficult, it was painful for him and I knew that I had to get him to listen to me – it was imperative.

I reminded George that the most horrible thing that can happen in a person’s life is the loss of his child. The loss of a child ranks higher on the stress meter than the loss of a parent or spouse. It’s worse than losing your spouse and your house at the same time. I reminded him that if he didn’t do anything he would lose his child and that it would be his fault because he didn’t do anything to stop it. I think he wanted to hang up but I wanted to get through.

“How can I stop it? I can’t think of any way to stop it?”

I told him to come up with a new curfew and he asked how he would do that? I said “Surely your son’s asked for a different time? I imagine for a senior of 17, it should probably be about 1 or 1:30, I would think. Does that sound about right? What I would do, and what I think my parents did, was to set my curfew about the same time as my friends, mostly because my friends were the ones driving me home and if they wanted me home earlier they’d have to come get me. So ask him what time his friends’ curfew is, and make his curfew the same time. And then when he has a date make his curfew a half an hour after the girl’s curfew so he won’t have to be embarrassed by telling her his curfew is earlier. Half an hour should be enough time to get home after he drops her off, don’t you think?”

And then we talked a little bit more in depth about how exactly to work that out with his son.

“But how do I start the conversation, he won’t talk to me.”

“Well, you should start by saying you’re sorry, which he probably won’t listen to since you’ve probably said that before. And then you should tell him you were wrong.”

And then George said something that annihilated me, “Do you think I was wrong?”

“Of course I think you were wrong. You are wrong, wrong, wrong…”

“All right, that’s enough.”

“Wrong, wrong, wrong. I’m right and you’re wrong.” I think we both laughed, I thought it was pretty funny so I laughed.

“Do you think it will work?”

“I know it will work. I can guarantee it, you’ve got my money back guarantee, it will absolutely work. And anyway, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And now you’ll be able to give him the advice a father gives to his grown-up son. You can give him advice about being a man, and making his own decisions. He’s going to college so you might be able to give him advice about that. Your job from now on is just to advise him. I think that the parents of teenagers don’t realize that’s their job, a father and an advisor. You can make suggestions, but that’s all you can do, the way you do with your friends. When your friends don’t take your advice, you don’t punish them or yell at them. You won’t even have to tell him, ‘I told you so,’ because he’ll know.”

“I can’t punish him?”

“You won’t have to. You’ll figure it out.” I had no doubt that once they got past this one thing, things would be so different he and his son would have a new start without yelling and punishments. (It is entirely possible to have a fun, healthy relationship with a teenager.)

“What kind of fatherly advice should I give him? I never got any fatherly advice about being a man from my father.” Lucas began to cry, “As you said that, I realized I never talked about any of that with my father.”

I knew I was getting through to him, and that was very important to me. I wished this were a normal conversation, I would have been able to tell him so much more. What type of advice does a father give a son? My father never gave me any advice, my parents hated me, I’ve only had daughters and any advice I would give to them might be different, I wasn’t sure. All I could think of was the advice that I read in Shakespeare’s Hamlet. So that’s what I told George. I told him, “When I was a teenager my father gave me no advice so I found a thing I called, “Polonius’ advice to Laertes,” (pronounced Lay-eer-tees) which has advice like ‘neither a borrower nor a lender be.’ Which means don’t borrow from your friends or lend them money. If that’s your rule they can’t be angry with you for that decision because that decision goes for everyone no matter how good a friend they are. And there were something about dressing to the station that you want to acquire. Like, if you want to be the manager of the company, dress the way the manager does, or a manager would, even when you are in the mailroom. There was stuff in there about the way to behave and how to treat your friends. It’s only like a paragraph, maybe two, it’s really short, but it’s really good advice. I wrote it down and I’d read it from time to time growing up. I was getting advice from Shakespeare.”

I told Lucas to be the man, and if his son yells he must not yell back. I told him about a poster that lined the wall of the bus that I took to school. I usually sat toward the front of the bus, it was a city bus that the kids in the town got vouchers for to ride to school because there were no school buses. Anyway, the sign said ‘If you can do more push-ups than your teenage son, he’s in trouble.’ Which meant a 17-year-old should be stronger than his father. Just a word of warning since things had gotten that bad.

I told him to act the way he would act if he were the father he wanted to be. I said, “Picture yourself in the future, when your son is in college, and see yourself acting the way you would like. Picture your son and yourself, talking, maybe your hand is on his shoulder or his hand is on your shoulder. You’re talking about girls or something. When you see that clearly, that’s the way you need to act today. Begin acting that way from the moment you walk into his room to apologize. And don’t lose that image and don’t waver from that person that you want to become. Fake it ‘til you feel it.”

I’ve heard Lucas later say that that was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He said I made it sound simple but it really wasn’t.

I don’t know what will make it into the Force Awakens – certainly not the Dip sign; but I think the intention will be there.

Here it is –

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Laertes is leaving on a voyage and Polonius gives him some last-minute advice. (My thoughts and interpretation of Shakespeare’s words are in parentheses in italics.) I call it Polonius’ advice to Laertes. Here it is for you

Act 1 SCENE 111– Polonius’ house.

Yet here, Laertes! Aboard, aboard, for shame! The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail, and you are stay’d for. There; my blessing with thee! And these few precepts in thy memory. (What are you doing still here while your ship is setting sail? I want to give you well wishes and advice before you leave.)

See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue, nor any unproportioned thought his act. (Think things through a few times before you speak or act.)

Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel; but do not dull thy palm with entertainment of each new-hatched, unfledged comrade. (Speak with people in a way that makes them comfortable. Vulgarity may make others uncomfortable. Be sure not to do anything to lose those friends you already know and trust. Don’t be carried away by those you hardly know, you may do things you didn’t want to do and go places you didn’t want to go. Don’t try to make people you hardly know like you. Everyone isn’t supposed to like everyone. If new people don’t like who you are, then they weren’t supposed to be your friends, anyway.)

Beware of entrance to a quarrel, but being in, bear’t that the opposed may beware of thee. (Avoid quarrelling but if you find yourself in an argument, don’t back down.)

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice; Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment. (Listen to people, but you don’t have to tell them everything you’re thinking. Listen to criticism but don’t change your ways if you know you’re right. Be true to yourself. Be the man you want to be, not some else’s idea of who you should be. Everyone isn’t supposed to like everyone.)

Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, But not expressed in fancy; rich, not gaudy; For the apparel oft proclaims the man, And they in France of the best rank and station are of a most select and generous chief in that.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

This above all: to thine ownself be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. (Truer words were never spoken. Again, be true to yourself. Be the man you want to be, not some else’s idea of who you should be. Lies only beget trouble and misery. If you tell someone something that isn’t true, how can you expect that person to like or trust you? How can you expect yourself to remember the details of something that isn’t true? How will anyone know who you really are? If you lie because you don’t like who you really are, and you’re afraid no one else will either, then CHANGE WHO YOU ARE!!)

Farewell: my blessing season this in thee!

Now that I can remember I realize that not telling lies got me through many situations that would have been awkward. If I said something to someone while making a movie or writing a song when my memory was erased whatever it was I said got erased along with it. Then the next time I got together with that person if I said the same thing they knew it had to be the truth because how would I remember a lie if I couldn’t remember anything else. If that doesn’t make sense to you, don’t worry about it. Also, now that I’m older and my friends are older still, so it’s easy to spot a liar because they can’t remember from one conversation to the next what they told you, and I always feel like pointing it out to them, but I just stay away from them instead. I know people who are pathological liars and now that their older they really don’t even know that they’re lying half the time, it’s just sad. I don’t think that – to thine own self be true – is about lying but in a roundabout way it is, because once you try to be someone else lying is bound to be in the mix.

It’s especially hard to be true to yourself if you have a parent who dislikes who you are and has spent your life trying to make you someone you’re not.

The Force Awakens

We thought that Yoda might restate some of the sentiments in Polonius’ advice to Laertes, because we agreed it really is very good advice, and we felt Yoda is the modern-day Shakespeare.

I know that when Lucas and I were talking about possible scenarios for getting the Wookies into a fight, he hit on bringing Baba Fet back. He said a lot of people like that character. He thought there should be more of them and asked what I thought might be a good name for them. (Now, remember this conversation was erased from my memory in an especially horrifying manner. I was tortured to death and brought back to life a few times and this went on for a period of about a week until I was totally unresponsive from starvation. The more torture involved in erasing my memory, the harder it is for me to remember. By writing this I’m hoping to remember the conversation more clearly.) So Lucas may be bringing Baba Fet and some of his compatriots back. I believe the name of their species was Snerrill, or Snerrills, as in “Oh, here come those awful Snerrills again.”

I told Lucas about how I come up with names, in fact, I thought it through as I came up with it. I told him whenever someone calls or comes to me for a name I explain to them how to name something so they don’t have to bother coming to me. It’s more for their own sake, than for mine, because I do enjoy naming things. This is how I come up with names and although this might not be the actual name, I know how I came up with it and what I thought of, and so I think, without remembering the actual name, I’m pretty darn close.

I thought Baba Fet, (a character I named before I was abducted off of the set up the first Star Wars,) looked like a cross between a snake and a ferret.. So I took the SN from snake and the ER from ferret and instead of the T at the end, I changed it to an L, just because it sounded better to me, more like the name of the species. I’ll bet I’m close.

So, Baba Fet or one of the Snerrills, acting on a directive from the (now deceased?) Jabba the Hutt, goes to Han and Chewy’s home planet to kill Han. (I thought Jabba was dead but Lucas thought he was still alive and I’m guessing that Lucas is probably right.) Mayhem ensues and the Wookies beat the Snerrills with their own arms. That would put a bit of a damper on your wedding day, don’t you think? I think I thought it could happen after the bride and groom leave the reception. I hope that makes it into the movie since it was in the conversation we had. I’m looking forward to seeing it.   +++++++++++++++++++++

I believe that if you put a link from your website to this website that would be very hopeful indeed. Close to three thousand people a day are reading this so there’s little chance of repercussions if you help me. Think of it as doing your part for World Peace.

Think peace.

May the force be with you.

… To be continued

Posted in Amnesia, Lynn Mickelsen, Reclaiming My Life!, Science, the Force | Tagged | Leave a comment

The Phone Call that became The Force Awakens (Part 1)

Once again, this post is almost 5,000 words so you might want to print it so you can read it more than once or read it off-line. What I’m thinking to do is write down the entire conversation I had with George Lucas that became the Force Awakens. I’m going to have to do it in probably five installments because it’ll take a while and because it’s just too much to read in one sitting. The reason I’m doing this is to protect George who is surrounded by the people who kept me prisoner.

George Lucas was having problems with his 17-year-old son – how unusual. He’d been to family therapists, he’d asked all his friends and the boy’s mother what to do and no one could answer him, I think perhaps because he is George Lucas.

On this particular day they fought and had said things that Lucas thought were irreparable so he called a number that he had and he thought he would ask how he could get in touch with me because he felt he really needed to talk to me. The number he tried happened to be my home phone number and my husband picked up and told George that I was right there and he would let me talk. The fact that my husband picked up the phone makes me wonder, now, how closely they can watch George Lucas because Peter never answered the phone before. I think he may have even gotten up to stand by it, waiting for it to ring. At any rate, he handed me the phone and I asked who it was and Peter just walked out of the room. Luckily, Peter was a big George Lucas fan, too.

The Call – Part 1

I asked the person on the phone who he was and after an exchange that went round and round he settled on telling me he was a friend of George Lucas’ and knew me from when I was a teenager, but said he wasn’t allowed to tell me who he was. He said he called because it made him happy to hear my voice. He told me he was at a low point in his life and he thought hearing me would make him feel better.

The man on the phone sounded sincere and was asking for my help, and that’s pretty much all I do is help people. That’s the way I think about it anyway. If you read my book the Truth (available for free at – please forgive the typos) you’ll see what I’m talking about.

I also think of life as a game. We all play the best game we can with the cards we’re dealt. We probably juggle a thousand games a year all inside this one big game we call life. So I had to try to help this person even though he couldn’t tell me who he was and I shouldn’t try to guess who he was. I had guessed already that it was George Lucas but had no idea why George Lucas would want to talk to a fat middle-aged housewife. With my husband and the kids out of the room I moved over to the loveseat and asked, “Do you want to tell me what’s got you depressed?” He told me he and his son had an argument, a big one this time, and his son was in his room packing.

“What was the argument about?”

“The same thing all parents argue with their kids about. The same thing we always argue about. He should listen to me. I don’t know why he won’t listen to me.”

I thought how can you always argue about the same thing? It didn’t make sense to me,

“Well, tell me about your son. How old is he? What’s he like? Is he a good kid?”

George said his son was seventeen, a good kid, did really well in school, better than he had done when he was in school. He was a big, strong, good-looking guy, good at sports, too.

“He sounds great. It sounds like you’ve got a great kid there, why would you want him to leave?” I asked to see what kind of a response that would provoke.

George’s voice shook, “I don’t want him to leave. God, I don’t want him to leave. He is, he is a great kid.”

“Is it drugs then?”

“No! No I wouldn’t allow that. It’s not drugs. His real popular in school. He has way more friends than I ever had.”

I didn’t understand why he would even want to argue with someone like that?! The kid sounds like a joy!

“Well, you’ve just described someone I would like to meet. He sounds like someone I would like to be friends with. Why do you argue with him? Why would you argue with someone like that?” I thought whatever is happening it’s happening because of this mystery man. “You’re gonna have to be a lot more specific. Tell me what this particular fight was about.”

“It was about his curfew. He wants a later curfew. His mother gave custody to me because she couldn’t get him to come home on time and that was three years ago. Now I’m still having the same problem. He comes home on time, but he wants a later curfew.”

“Change his curfew then. What’s his curfew? What time do you think he should be home and what time does he come home?”

“10:30, his curfew’s 10:30. He comes home at 10:30 but he hates it.” (That’s 22:30 in Europe.)

10:30, oh my golly gosh. A 17-year-old boy with a curfew of 10:30? No wonder he’s arguing! I’d argue too. I couldn’t even imagine arguing about that, what parent would want to spend his time arguing over something that would be so easily changed? They’ve been arguing for three years? I didn’t get it. I wanted to say, ‘that’s insane!’ But I didn’t. Here was this guy, who sounded like a perfectly rational lovely guy, who had this son, who anyone would be proud to call ‘son,’ and he was arguing over a 10:30 curfew for three years! Whew!

From this point out, I’m going to call the mystery caller Lucas. (This was confirmed during an Oprah Winfrey interview years later.) I was pretty sure I was talking to George Lucas but had no idea why or how, or how he knew me, or any of it. Why he couldn’t tell me who he was, was a mystery – part of the game. He sounded like George Lucas, and he was smart and kind and very caring, but there was this ridiculous sticking point that was ruining his life and making his son’s life miserable. I think he wanted me to say something like, ‘There, there, it will be all right.’ But I didn’t have a name to put to those words and, anyway, that’s not how this helping people thing of mine works.

What I did tell him what is that if you’re arguing over the same thing over and over you should rethink your position because you very well may be wrong. This thought had never occurred to Lucas, no one had even suggested that possibility. There was a lot of back and forth about why George would hold the line on such a trivial thing as a curfew.

What he said is something that I think is a juggernaut (the big problem which creates many smaller problems) in parent-child relationships, he said, “A child should respect his father. A child should do what his father wants him to do, without question.”

I thought, and may have said, that’s a dog, that’s a dog’s job. A dog should do what his master wants him to do, without question.

This young man had been doing what his father wanted him to do. He had been respecting his father and coming in on time. The problem, as Lucas saw it, was that he wanted to change that curfew to suit his lifestyle. He had friends who stayed out later and he wanted to stay out with them.

So the conversation went on a while longer trying to pinpoint why Lucas would be so headstrong on this point. The conversation wasn’t so cut and dry as it sounds when I’m writing it, it looped around and around, but I won’t write it that way, it would be boring. I found out more and more about Lucas and I became more and more convinced that was who I was talking to, so I couldn’t, for the life of me figure out why he would behave this way toward his son. He obviously didn’t see it as abusive and anyone reading this wouldn’t see it that way either.

I thought it sounded like the boy had become a man and Lucas wasn’t respecting that either. I thought of how frustrating it must be to be the son of a famous person, to do everything right, to be an exemplary kid, smart, funny, friendly and kind and not to get respected for that. What should have been happening was a give-and-take and since they were both smart and sensible I couldn’t figure out why that wasn’t what was happening. So I became frustrated both for his son and for myself because I couldn’t figure a way to help, and usually, by this time I’ve got things figured out.

The subject changed several times and we talked about many things, which I’ll get to, but whenever I could think of something to ask regarding his son, I’d ask it.

I asked Lucas about his relationship with his father and he said it was awful. His father had stopped him from doing anything creative. His father was an oppressive unreasonable man. His father didn’t like anything about him and thought his ideas were boring, he wouldn’t look at George’s drawings or listen to his poetry. After years of being scolded, reprimanded, beaten and belittled, they broke their relationship off when George wanted to go to film school. I asked about his curfew. He told me it was the same.

“10:30?” I asked.

“Yes. I think so. We argued about it a lot but I think it was 10:30.”

“Why do you think your father gave you such an unreasonable curfew?”

“Unreasonable? Do you think it’s unreasonable? I think he thought the same as I do, that a son should respect his father.”

Finally! “Here’s what I think, do you want to know what I think?”

“Of course I do, I always want to know what you think, that’s why I called.”

“I think that very often we act as parents the way our parents acted with us. Since we’re born wanting and expecting our parents’ love, we assume the way our parents treat us is love. We mistake their actions, even if their actions are abusive, as love. We start to accept abuse as love. Are you with me on this?”

George bristled, “It’s not abuse. This kid has the best life any kid could ask for. He has everything he wants. He’s never wanted for anything.”

“Except a father he can talk to. He can’t talk to you, probably because you couldn’t talk to your father. Your father didn’t want to hear what you had to say. He didn’t respect you enough to validate you by listening to you. I think a lot of cultures believe that the child becomes a man at age 13. That’s probably why your son started asking to be treated differently when he turned 13. Your son probably started to think of himself as a man. The kid you’re describing has all the attributes of a good man. I’m assuming he can make good decisions. Why don’t you trust that his decision to stay out later is a valid one? Acceptance by your peers is really important when you’re a teenager.” Then we talked a little about American Graffiti and I said, “It’s memories like that, that shape us as adults.” George cried or held back tears very often during the call. I’m sure he wanted very badly to tell me who I was and how we worked on American Graffiti together. I wanted very badly to ask him what was going on, but I knew I couldn’t.

I think this is a good lesson for everyone. George had many misconceptions about raising a child and he got them from his father. George is a true genius and visionary but he couldn’t see past what his father had beaten into him. He believed his father – all children do.

What everyone does is they say, ‘My parents were doing the best they could,’ or ‘My parents didn’t know any better,’ or, ‘My parents are good people and I came out okay,’ or, ‘What they did, they did for my own good.’

As soon as Lucas said that his father was doing the best he could I stopped him. I said, “No, don’t do that. You shouldn’t say that. That kind of thinking is what gets everyone into trouble. You can forgive him, in fact, you should forgive him, but once you say he was doing the best he could you’ve made excuses for him. And once you’ve made excuses for abusive behavior, or even bad behavior, it leaves the door open on a crack and somehow you’ll find your way through. And that’s what happened to you, I’m sure of it. Your father treated you that way and you thought that was love, and now you’re treating your son the same way thinking that it’s love. You’re thinking that by taking away his decision making power you’re showing him love. Correct? Does he know you love him?”

“Of course he knows I love him.”

“How? Do you tell him? Do you tell him you think he’s a terrific kid and that you love him?”

Lucas only grumbled. It was clear he was still angry from the argument they had had.

“Well, you think about it. You’ll find I’m right. You’ll find you thought that that’s the way to treat your son because that’s the way your father treated you. And think about how you felt when your father didn’t listen to your needs.”

“Oh, I listen to his needs all right. He gets everything he wants and then some. I dote on him.”

I told Lucas a story that I had heard on Oprah about a little girl who went to Disney World with her mother who was dying of cancer. I think the Oprah Show paid for their trip. The mom felt good enough to go and she thought it would be nice to do something grand with her daughter once before she died. The question Oprah had was, “What was the best thing you can remember about that vacation.” The little girl happily replied, “My mother was up in the middle of the night and I got up to be with her, and she poured us both a bowl of cereal and we sat and talked and ate cereal at the table in the middle of the night.”

“That’s all kids want. They want our love and attention.” We both got choked up. (I’m crying now writing about it.)

George said he hardly ever talked to his son because they always ended up arguing. I told him most parents look at their children an average of five minutes a day. I told him five minutes was not nearly enough and anyone who had a child should be prepared to spend at least an hour of interaction a day. You have to talk to them and dress them and feed them in the morning. And if you’re lucky enough to be there when they get home, that’s a good time to spend time with them because the stuff they do at school all day is still fresh in their minds. “I think family dinners are very important, and they’ve become a thing of the past.” George asked how you do that. I told him you have to schedule dinner like you schedule anything else; and don’t make plans during dinnertime, and, unless there’s a game or something that your son has to attend, he should do the same. And then at least you have a half an hour or so of sit-down time together.

Then Lucas said another thing he learned from his father that wasn’t true, “But children are so boring.”

(Just FYI this is basically what I told Steve Jobs, too. It became a turning point in his life with his oldest daughter who was about 6.) I told Lucas, first of all, you’ve got a man there, not a child, and he hardly sounds boring. I’ll bet I could talk to him all day and not get bored. I think my children are the most fascinating people on earth. I’ll talk to them whenever they want to talk to me. George asked how I find the time. I make the time, if I’m in the middle of something I can stop, then I’ll stop. Otherwise I’ll tell them I can talk to them whenever. George wondered if they didn’t talk about their friends a lot. I told him they mostly talk about their friends, but then you get to find out about their friends, who they are, things they do, you get an insight into the way the other kids think and you want to know who your child is hanging around with. And you get to remember how you communicated when you were that age, things you said, things that excited you, the way you thought about things and it makes you young again. Your kids can keep you young.

If you don’t talk to your kids how can you expect them to talk to you when you want them to talk to you? People complain that their teenagers won’t talk to them, but I’ll bet they never talked to their child before, and the kid probably feels awkward trying to talk to his parents now. You have to establish communication before they can even talk. That’s the way they learn to talk, that’s the way they learn to communicate. I think that’s the reason little boys are harder to talk to, because parents don’t spend as much time communicating with their boys as they do with their girls. They think it makes them soft or something. Parents are slower to pick up a crying infant if it’s a boy and so men find it more difficult to communicate or to show their emotions. They anger more easily.

There were probably many, many things you didn’t do with your boy that I would think people should do.

Lucas asked about getting your child to respect you. This is a big deal to all parents. (The following answer worked for me)

Respect breeds respect. Just as communication breeds communication.

I think the way you get respect from your children is to respect them beginning when they’re teeny-weeny people. Think about it, you’ve made this perfect little human being, but he is his own person right from the start. He’s independent of you even though he’s dependent on you not only to feed him and keep him warm but to love him and talk to him and teach him that he can get his needs met by communicating with you. And then later, at every age, you can do things with your children that you haven’t been able to do in years.

When they’re infants you can wiggle their little toes and poke their little bellies and just love them, hold them as much as possible and play with them like your own living doll. It’s impossible to spoil an infant! Then, when they get older, you can get down on the floor and play blocks with them or build Weibel villages or whatever they enjoy doing, you can do it too. You can color with them and when they get a little older, play with toy soldiers, dolls or trucks or whatever they want. My girls loved trucks. The best part is you get to do it too, and you’ll find you’ve forgotten how much fun it is.

“But doesn’t that interfere with your life. I mean, doesn’t that take up all of your time? I’m a busy man, I’m a very busy man, I don’t think I have time to play soldiers.”

“Oh it doesn’t take time at all. They’ll only want to play with you for about 20 minutes or so, because they’d rather play with their friends or their siblings. What I do is I talk to them or play with them for as long as they want, and seriously, it’s only about 20 minutes. But that way, when I want to talk to them or ask them to do something for me, then they’ll be happy to do it. There’s no awkwardness because they know I respect them and want to make them happy, so they respect me and want to make me happy.” George wanted to know how I discipline them. I think he wanted to know if I spanked them. I had to try hard to remember some of the incidents in their lives that caused me to discipline them. My oldest child was the one who got the most discipline but that was my fault because I didn’t realize she didn’t really need it. I was just doing what my mother did to me, not the awful, horrible things she did, but just acting as though I didn’t exist. I told George that I remembered not looking at my daughter. She was playing and every time she looked up at me I looked away. And I thought, why am I doing this? And my answer was simple, it was what my mother would do. And then I thought harder about it, I realized that I thought that was love.

I know that Lucas has since discovered that my middle daughter was never spanked and rarely disciplined and my youngest was spanked once when she wouldn’t listen to me and she kept running into the street. I spanked her to get her attention and she later hugged me saying, “It worked Mommy. I remembered and I didn’t run into the street.”

I’m certain no child wants to make you angry or upset you. I believe children want to make their parents happy. If you think otherwise, that’s where problems arise. Never approach a problem thinking your child wants to get you upset. You probably get upset because that’s the way your parents reacted to you when you did something similar. It’s a learned reaction.

I told Lucas the key to discipline is compromise. My children and I were always able to come upon a compromise that made us both happy.

I told Lucas I was looking forward to having teenagers. Because I had fun in my teenage years and was looking forward to reliving them through my children the same way I had been reliving my childhood through them. I told him I hoped it would work (and I can tell you now that it did and I loved my children’s teenage years.)

I told Lucas to go to his son and tell him he was wrong, and to tell him he wouldn’t fight with him anymore. I said I was sure his son was tired of fighting as well. I told him if his son yells, to ask him to please stop yelling and that he should remain calm. I said he should make it clear he was being unreasonable because he was worried about him and loved him. I explained how to set up a reasonable curfew that would please them both. He took my suggestions and it worked. He now has a wonderful relationship with his son. They are best friends.

Lucas kept tabs on me and my daughters as best he could and was happy to find my daughters had responsible jobs and were very bright, funny, likable conscientious adults. So he tells people that my philosophy on raising children is correct and very doable. He shares my thoughts with anyone having problems with their children.

The things that will make it into The Force Awakens

Reliving childhood through your children.

Establish communication early and talk to your children as often as you possibly can in order to keep that communication open during the teenage years.

Respect them as the little independent human beings they are. Respect that their thoughts will not be the same as yours, and the way they go about things may not be the same as the way you go about things. It doesn’t mean they’re wrong or they’re bad, they’re just different people than you are. Celebrate that. Then, when you want respect or need respect they will be happy to oblige.

Make your children happy if you can as often as you can, and they will try to make you happy, too.

Tell your children you love them every day. Spend as much time as possible with them and they will understand the times you can’t.

Tell your children they have the potential to do anything they want.

Teach your children they are not better than anyone and no one is better than they are.

When they ask, “Why not?” think about that, and if the answer comes back to you ”Because I said so,” know that’s not a good enough reason. If there’s no other reason, and the request is something that won’t hurt anyone, describe the pros and cons of their request so they can make an informed decision and then oblige them. It will help them become independent adults sooner.

As for Star Wars I reminded Lucas that Luke Skywalker never completed his Jedi training. We thought that a situation could arise where he was treating his son the same way his uncle treated him, only Luke will use the Force against his son. He would have to go to complete his training, and that would be an opportunity to go into depth about The Force. (I suggested a mop could fly through the air and hit his son in the stomach.)

There is a page explaining the Force in one of the tabs under the picture of the Grand Canyon.

A Note: I’ve shared my philosophy regarding child rearing with many important people. The response is always encouraging. They realize they’ve been wrong because their parents had been wrong and they loved their parents. I generally say children are not dogs. I remind them they are raising adults who should be able to think for themselves. They should teach children all they need to know to be responsible adults by the time they are 12 or 13 so you can trust they will make good choices when they’re teenagers. If you compromise, discipline isn’t necessary.

Respect is born out of respect. Respect your children and they will respect you.

— I had told the same thing to Steven Spielberg’s father years ago during Saving Private Ryan. Stephen’s father amended his behavior and their relationship grew very strong and happy. Stephen had relayed that conversation to George, but it didn’t sink in.

Next I think I’ll write about the part of the conversation we had about Yoda.

A reminder of why I’m writing these

I’ve also recently found that six of the people in the Marin County Sheriff’s office and at least three police officers in a local town are in a Satanic cult, so no matter which way George Lucas turns he’ll come up against someone working against us. The second time I went to the Skywalker Ranch in 2012 I was confronted by a guard who said to another guard, “We can’t let these two get together. They must never be allowed to get together or the world will change. It will be catastrophic.” That’s what he was taught to think, that guard had been so badly abused as a child he can’t think for himself. He didn’t know if it was good or bad, or right or wrong, he was doing as he was told. He had his hand on his gun and said he would kill me. The other guard said, “You can’t be serious,” but I knew who he was immediately. What he may or may not know is the world will change catastrophically for the good. There will be peace, prosperity, a green earth and enough food to feed the world. The people keeping George and I apart, the people that guard and many others are listening to, want war and destruction.

I believe that if you put a link from your website to this website that would be very hopeful indeed. Close to three thousand people a day are reading this so there’s little chance of repercussions if you help me. Think of it as doing your part for World Peace.

George said that he wished the people who love Star Wars could have their own name, like the people who like Star Trek are Trekkies. He knew that Star Trek and Trekkies are both my words and he wanted me to think of something for him. I’ve decided, since I’m including you in my quest for World Peace, I will call you Star Warriors.

It’s too bad the people who owned me don’t read this blog and yet don’t allow comments on this blog because I would love to know how you like that.

Think peace.

May the force be with you.

… To be continued

Posted in Lynn Mickelsen, Metaphysics, Reclaiming My Life!, Religon, Science | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Finding George Lucas – episode 3

My most horrifying memory of being taken from George Lucas came years after I met him again on the set of the original Star Wars. I’ve got to tell you, that was one incredible set. I was taken away from him that day at gunpoint. They threatened to kill him if I didn’t go with them. So I went with them knowing that I was going back to being a prisoner and I would be tortured. That was one terrible way to end a wonderful day, but that is not the worst memory.

Years after that, Harrison Ford was going to be in a movie called The Fugitive. He needed an assistant and saw my picture while flipping through the pages of applicants. George and Harrison hatched a plan to hire me and rescue me. I’ll tell you right now, I believe that is why Harrison Ford’s plane crashed a few months ago and that’s why his leg got crushed during the shooting of The Force Awakens.

When I got to the set of The Fugitive Harrison grabbed me and put me in a headlock and started to tell me about George Lucas. If it weren’t Harrison Ford, I would have thought he was insane. He called George on his cell phone and I spoke with him. I apologized for not remembering him, but that didn’t seem to bother him. He asked if I where happily married. I told him that I stayed married because my husband threatened to find me and the girls if I left, and he would kill them in front of me and then kill me. I began to cry and I said, “I can’t figure anyway out of it.”

George told me he would help me and he told me he was at the front door trying to get in. It was a closed set which happens more and more in Hollywood especially since I was taken off of the set of Star Wars and Harrison was in that movie. Just FYI: Harrison was also in American Graffiti with me. The guard at the door wasn’t letting Lucas in because he wasn’t on the list. I heard him say he was with Harrison Ford, then I heard the guard say, “I guess that’s all right then.” I went to the ladies room to throw water on my face because I was crying so much that I was covered in goo. I came out of the ladies room and was headed toward the front door to find Lucas when two men came up to me. One held my arms and the other shot a hypodermic needle through my coat and slacks and into my thigh. It was a combination of drugs that was familiar to my system and in that instant I remembered George, I dropped against the wall like a sack of potatoes. I couldn’t move. George found me propped up against a little divett in the wall, he was the first to find me and as he bent over me I pushed out the words, “I remember you.” He began to cry and repeated, “You remember me?” I tried to move but couldn’t, I tried very hard, so hard to form the words, “I love you,” but it came out very soft and garbled. The only thing I could do was cry. I cried so much my face was soaked and I could feel my wet hair, and the top of my coat and my shirt were getting soaked. I tried so hard to talk and to move but all I could do was cry. “You love me? Is that what you said? You love me? What happened to you – why are you like this? What did they do to you? Who did this to you? Can you move?” And then he said, thinking aloud to himself, “You can’t move and you can’t talk. Your eyes,” he said to me, “can you blink your eyes?” I blinked. “Blink once for yes and twice for no.” I blinked. He was happy I could do that and bit the back of his hand, then asked, “Did you say you love me?” I blinked. George cried.

There were men all around asking dumb questions like, “Is this part of the movie?” and, “What’s she doing on the floor?” and, “I didn’t know George Lucas was in this movie.”

An ambulance came and two men in white coats came in with a gurney and asked, “Did someone call for an ambulance?” I blinked twice. I knew there wasn’t time and I hadn’t seen anyone call, no one even had his cell phone out yet.

George said, “Oh yes, yes she’s right here. I don’t know what happened, I found her like this.”

The two men picked me up and put me on the gurney and strapped me down tight saying, “Don’t want her to get away again.” They wheeled me outside and put me in the ambulance. George stood just outside the door and was about to get in, but stopped to ask if it was all right if he rode along. I thought, ‘Dear Lord you’re George Lucas, just get in.’ I was blinking hoping that he would see something was wrong. He asked if that was normal and they said maybe I was having a seizure. He started to get in and one of the men said, “We only allow relatives. Are you a relative?” I blinked. George said, “Yes.” They asked, “What relation are you?” George said he was my fiancée. “Fiancee what’s that?” the guy in the back asked. “We’re engaged to be married,” George told them. “That’s no relation,” they told him, so George said he would follow; then he ran to get his car, and the ambulance took off, the back doors still wide open. The fella who told George he couldn’t ride along laughed and said I told that guy didn’t I?”

“Hey moron, that guy was George Lucas. You just told George Lucas off.”

“You mean we just stole George Lucas’ fiancée. I didn’t sign on for this. I love George Lucas.” The ambulance went careening around the corner as it was leaving the parking lot. The back doors were still open and it felt like the gurney was about to slide out. At first I was frightened but then I thought it would be better to break an arm or leg than to be taken back to be tortured, and maybe George would find me in the parking lot, in fact I was sure he would. But the guy who loved George Lucas didn’t let the gurney fall out.

When I remember that night I can’t think about it because the memory makes me nauseous and dizzy. It was horrible, so horrible not to be able to move and, at the same time to finally remember Lucas. To see his face over me searching my tear soaked face for some way to communicate. To be a prisoner in my own body was a nightmare of the grandest proportions.

I was going to write about seeing George Lucas on the set of Star Wars on the first day of shooting. I was hired to figure out a way to make Luke Skywalker’s farm vehicle fly. That was a pretty spectacular day up until I was told to get in the car but I didn’t want to go. I was sure they would kill Lucas. I remember what I did and said to keep that from happening but now it’s too painful to write it all down.

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Subway’s Jared WTF?

I want to get back to writing about George Lucas because he is an important person in all of our lives, but life has been getting in the way.

Subway’s Jared

I’m going to use this also as an example of the loathsome business practices of the Rand Corporation. I have to assume they are the ones behind this because they are the ones who are this despicable. I have to, in all good conscience, write about Jared. He’s the guy who lost a lot of weight eating Subway sandwiches. I know him from the local papers because he was a local boy. I met with him after he had saved a million dollars with money from a deal he made with Subway to be their spokesperson. Jared came to me to get a name for a jewelry store that he wanted to start. I suggested Jared’s Galleria of Jewelry. I suggested he call the brown diamonds that he liked Chocolate Diamonds. I couldn’t imagine anyone liking a brown diamond but Jared did, and he said the clerks in the jewelry store always told him he had good taste. He didn’t like the name for the stores because he thought I made up the word Galleria and he already had the name Jared.

When I met Jared that day, the Rand Corporation had already dug up some dirt on him. I know he complained to me about how long it took him to get an appointment to see me but of course I didn’t know anything about that. It was clear from what the people were saying about him, the people with him, the people who brought him to me, it was clear it took them a long time to find someone who would say anything bad about him and even then they would have to pay her quite a bit of money. I asked him a few times, because of all the money he was about to borrow, if anyone had anything on him. He insisted no one did. I can tell when someone is lying about something like that, and I believe Jared had no idea he had ever done anything wrong.

I refuse to read about it now because the people at the Rand Corporation already had some dirt on him that they would use against him once they loaned him money to start a chain of jewelry stores. I practically begged him not to borrow money, but said he should open just one store with the money he already had. The people with him kept saying he was smart enough to make up his own mind. I told him over and over that’s the way jewelry stores always start. They start with one store and they build from there. I told him that jewelry stores were not like any other business because they are creative. That he would be selling tiny works of art, and art is subjective, and just because he likes jewelry doesn’t mean that his taste is going to be universally well received.

When he first met me and I told him I had been reading about him before he got famous because he was in the Morris County newspaper he was surprised. It took a while for him to realize I was in New Jersey because, and this was his reasoning I kid you not, he met the people from Rand at the airport, at the Newark New Jersey airport and they drove him here, so he reasoned that I was in a different state. I asked him again, “So you met them in the parking lot of Newark airport and you drove here and you thought I was in a different state?” And he said yes, “Isn’t that why people go to airports? To fly from state to state?”

“Well yes it is, but you see, you didn’t fly – you drove, and that would mean you’re still in the same state.”

At any rate, he thought I was wrong and he said so, and the people from Rand laughed and said to each other, “I love when they think she’s wrong.”

He was going to do what they told him to do and not listen to my suggestion. He wanted to prove he was smarter than I was. He thought I was making fun of him, when the whole time the people from Rand were giggling about everything he said. I’m assuming it was Rand because that’s who dealt with me, that’s who owned me.

Jared was clearly a man who was not capable of making a decision for himself. This is a fact – Rand is paying someone to say something about Jared which may or may not be true. This way they can repossess all of his jewelry stores which are probably now worth millions. I told Jared this would happen. He got angry with me saying I just thought he was a stupid fat boy. I said, “No, Jared no, I don’t think that at all, in fact you’re a little on the skinny side if you ask me, and you’re not a boy anymore. This has nothing to do with that, they’re going to take your business away don’t you hear what they’re saying. They have something on you and they will take your business away.” This just made Jared more agitated.

So whatever they have on him, they had on him years ago before he began his jewelry business, and this was Rand’s plan all along.

I also want to make it clear that whatever Rand had on him, Jared either didn’t know about or didn’t realize it was something that was wrong. Things that are right and things that are wrong very often have a blurred image to them and if no one teaches you that, that something is wrong then how do you know? This would be especially difficult for someone who has an intellect like Jared’s. I told you the Newark airport story so that you can understand who Jared is. He did seem like a very nice guy, no longer a boy, no longer fat, just a genuinely nice guy, unfortunately overly protective of his feelings and unable to hear what I was saying because of that. So don’t judge him too harshly, he’s going through this so someone else can take his money and his business and very little of it will go to the girl making the accusations. If you ask me – she’s the one with the questionable morals.

Now that that’s out of the way, I can start writing.

What a world?

Think Peace!

Posted in Reclaiming My Life! | Tagged ,

Finding George Lucas (Part 1)

George Lucas before he was George Lucas

How did I meet George Lucas? This is the story of meeting and getting to know George Lucas on the set of American Graffiti. A warning, this is 5,000 words so you might want to print it or go offline to read it.

I was told I got a small part in a small film. (I named it American Graffiti during the shooting because it was outdoors and all over the place.) I was supposed to play a 12-year-old girl. Since it was so last minute George Lucas wanted someone young but with acting experience. I wasn’t young but I could look young and I had acting experience. I knew what a mark was and all the lingo that went along with filming, etc.

(There was a new pay-TV channel that showed short films whenever a film didn’t end on the hour. It was called HBO. HBO used to be a good station, believe it or not. I’d seen a short film called THX 1138 four times. I loved it. I thought it was the best film I’d ever seen. It was about a land where love was forbidden. I made it a point to remember the man’s name who wrote it and directed it. It was George Lucas.)

The person who drove me to the movie set began walking with me and said, “There’s the man you’ll be working for, his name is George Lucas, I think.”

“You think, or you know? Is it George Lucas?” I was thrilled and frightened at the same time.

The man looked down at a paper and said, “Yeah, that’s right. George Lucas.”

I stopped walking, I wanted to see this man. He looked young. He looked very good. I wanted to watch him for a while. I was curious to see how he interacted with people.

“Come on. What are you stopping for? We’re late. Your late. Keep walking.”

I started to walk again and when I got close enough to see him and hear him I had to stop again. The driver grabbed my arm and dragged me along.

When we got up to him, George said, “Are you shy? They said you’ve acted before. You can’t be shy if you want to be an actress.”

“I’ll leave you with him,” my driver said as he walked away.

I was speechless. This man was entirely too good-looking and too young to have written THX 1138.

“Are you George Lucas? Did you write and direct THX 1138? I love that film. That’s my favorite film.”

“Did someone tell you to say that? Flattery doesn’t hold any weight here.”

“No. I love that film.”

I thought he may have said, “I don’t believe you,” but I remember being very disheartened by his reaction.

“This resume can’t be right. You’re here now,” Lucas said as he threw my resume on the table. He picked up a copy of the script, “Here’s the script. I hope you’re a fast reader. Your late. You have to start right away.”

I got in the car with Milner (Paul Le Mat) and we began the scene. George called Cut. I was devastated, “Did I do something wrong? I can do it anyway you want.”

“No. You did just fine. Better than I’d hoped for. It’s just that… It’s just that I think you’re too pretty for the part. It said in your resume that you’d played boys. I thought you’d look different, that’s all.”

“Is that it then? Can I stay a while?” I asked hoping I could get to know this man a little better before I was asked to leave. So far he seemed distant and cold, but I didn’t believe that was him, I knew from THX there was much more to him.

Lucas wanted me to stay, though, and said he would write a part for me. He asked if I wouldn’t mind doing something with Charles Martin Smith, the boy who played Toad. I knew him as Ernie from Father Knows Best.

“If I can stay, I’ll play any part you want.”

Charlie remembered me from a few episodes of Father Knows Best I’d been on with him. Ron Howard remembered me because when we were 5 or so I played his girlfriend in the Music Man. I don’t know how they could tell it was me so many years later. George just laughed. He didn’t know what to make of me. He didn’t believe I’d seen his film. I think he really thought I was just being kind, and before Ron and Charlie recognized me he thought I was very young, under 18 and he didn’t want to be perceived as doing something inappropriate.

“You don’t have to act like that. You’ve got the part. It’ll take me a while to write something for you, but I will. Don’t worry, you can stay.”

I was thrilled. I was flabbergasted and thrilled.

Lucas hadn’t really paid attention to what I said. He didn’t know how great he was, he really didn’t. He’ll tell you that. I’ve heard him say it. He had no idea who he was, but I did. Some people don’t take compliments well, it’s a shame I think, and Lucas was one of those people. You can’t imagine how many people, how many great actors and actresses, Directors, even Einstein, I’ve had to tell, “Just say thank you.” They don’t know how to take a complement and that was the advice my mother always gave me. It works well and if you’re one of those people who don’t know what to say when someone compliments you, Just say “thank you.”

“Can I stay here? I mean right here, with you? I just want to watch you work,” I asked him. I wanted to size him up, to see if I could get past the shell. I’ll tell you, I’m pretty sure, right from the get-go, I flirted like a madwoman.

“If you’re quiet and you don’t bother me, you can stay wherever you want,” he answered. So I stayed right there with him for the rest of the film.

Mackenzie and John Philips were on the sidelines watching the filming. I guess they lived in the area or something. I said, “What about that girl?” We went over, I told John I was a fan of his music and did he think his daughter would like to be in the film. John remembered me from ghost-writing California Dreamin’ with him. George had me coach Mackenzie a bit because he wanted her to do the part exactly the way I had done it. Right out of the gate she was great – problem solved.

Luckily, after a short while George said it was all right for me to talk, I guess I’d been really quiet for a while. I wanted to know everything about him, I desperately wanted to get to know him because, even then I thought I would probably want to marry him. I was young but I had dated a lot of boys and I knew what I wanted. I’d made a rule for myself, I didn’t look boys in the eye because, and this is going to sound very conceited, but it seemed to me boys would say, “I love you,” very quickly. They probably just wanted to get into my pants but I never knew what to do or say when they said that, so I just wouldn’t look them in the eye and that seemed to work well for me. But with Lucas, I made sure I looked him in the eye.

Once I got him talking I found I was right, he could talk about anything. We talked about things we liked and things we didn’t like. We both liked and disliked the same things. I told him about my philosophies and thoughts about life, art, organized religion, music, politics, the way we treat one another, and I found out he felt the same way. I talked while he wrote and that didn’t seem to bother him. I know it bothers me when someone talks to me when I’m trying to write. I wasn’t the type of girl who just yammers on about nothing. I’m quiet when I need to be, actually I’m quiet most of the time, but not with George. I tried to be quiet, I did, but I was so captivated by him that it was hard to shut up. He found out I could draw and he found that fascinating and said he tried to draw because he liked art so much but he wasn’t happy with the way things looked. I told him it takes time and practice, like anything else. He didn’t think he enjoyed drawing well enough to put in the amount of time and practice it would take to get him to where he’d be happy with something he created. His father used to ridicule him when he drew and it took the joy out of it for him.

We talked about our hobbies like music, science and math, we talked a lot about physics and astrophysics – a hobby interest we both had. I may have told him that when I was little I used to be in a group of kids who shot off rockets. We were both surprised to find someone interested in both art and science and we both remarked how uncommon that was. It was clear we were two very unusual people, but unusual in the same way. Now this calmer, gentler George Lucas was the very special man I knew he would be. Better, even.

I had become Assistant Director. George said, “As long as your gonna hang around here, I might as well put you to work.”


One of the things I loved about THX 1138 was the way people kept moving in and out of the scene. It’s something you rarely see in a movie, any movie, and even nowadays. So when Lucas asked me to set up the scene where the kids are in the street talking, I set it up so that Toad would run up to them and tell them if they see Milner, to tell him Harrison (I can’t remember Harrison’s character’s name) is looking for him.

Lucas came over and said, “This is great, now all I have to do is start shooting. No, wait, we are missing one you forgot Charlie.”

“No, Charlie’s across the street, what he has to say is a non sequitur. I wanted him to come into this the scene like you did in THX.”

“No. That was wrong. My professors told me not to ever do that again. They almost failed me.” That was the second time I heard George make the noise that he makes when he gets very upset. It sounds like he’s swallowing air, and then he gulps. It’s the sound of frustration, sorrow and pain.

By that time I knew that THX 1138 was Lucas’s senior project. How could his professors do that to him, I thought. How could they have been so cruel? The good for nothing know-nothings! They were just teaching him what they were taught without looking at the movie at all. What mindless jerks! Krum bums – the lot of them. They learned not to do that, so they almost failed George Lucas for being an innovative thinker. And they dragged him down, I could tell by the noise he just had made. They knocked the legs right out from under him, and they got him to change his thinking about the best part of his film. George Lucas had been abused into believing authority figures. He was denied his freedom of thought. He believed his teachers, and like his father ridiculing his art, they made him change for the worse.

“Well your professors are wrong! That movie was great! Don’t let them bully you like that, they’re not even gonna grade this. What do you care what some stupid professors say anyway? You’re better than them.”

“How do you know. How can you say I’m better than they are?”

I told Lucas to tell me the names of his teachers and I didn’t know either of their names and I told him I pay attention to stuff like that, directors and writers who I like, as much as I do to actors I like, maybe more. I told Lucas I never heard of them, but I’d heard of him. “Don’t you know – that happens all the time? Who was Michelangelo’s teacher? Who was Leonardo da Vinci’s teacher?” Lucas shrugged. “See, you’ve never heard of their teachers, but you’ve heard of them. I know who they are because I learned who they were in art history, but you know, they’re only famous for being the teachers of Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci, not for their work, because their work wasn’t all that great. Your work was great! And they’re idiots, blind idiots for not being able to see that! Don’t let them drag you down. You can stop listening to them now, you’ve graduated.”

“Don’t call my teachers idiots,” Lucas said softly.

I went on, “So you’re better than they are. I’ve never seen scenes like that, and I want you to put one like that in this movie. At least one, this is the perfect one.”

Ron Howard came over and said “Hey guys, it’s cold out here, let’s get this show on the road, were standing over here freezing while you two were talking about art.”

Lucas shook his head and said, “We’ll try it one time your way. One time.”

Lucas rolled the scene and I knew enough to read ahead in the script because I had spent my summers in grammar school assistant directing for Alfred Hitchcock. I learned a lot from him. So I motioned for Charlie to come, and he half ran across the street, I thought he’d get there and wait for his line, but as it turned out, he got there just in time to deliver his line. The scene came out just great. It left Mr. Lucas scratching his head. “Better than they are, huh? What are you a magician or something?” I think he liked it.

After it was clear that Lucas had written my part, he continued writing. He was directing and writing the whole time we were shooting. I asked him what he was writing about and he told me he was working on another movie. I found it interesting that he could direct one movie while writing another. I asked him what the movie was about. He said, “Oh, you might not be interested. It’s science fiction.”

I didn’t remember at the time but I had worked on 2001 – a Space Odyssey; and Star Trek. “Oh no, I like science fiction. Funny huh, a girl who likes science fiction. What’s it about?”

“I’m not sure yet,” he laughed, “but I want to try to make the best science fiction movie ever made.”

“Don’t try.” He looked puzzled like he thought I thought he couldn’t do it, so I quickly added, “Do. Don’t try – do. Do make the best science fiction movie ever made. You can do it, I know you can. You have greatness in you and if anyone can do it, you can. THX 1138 is science fiction, isn’t it, and that was great.” I knew there were many iffy science fiction movies to date and I was sure Lucas could easily out do any of them. 2001 was probably one of the best, but THX 1138 was better. Lucas just looked at me and laughed.

I explained that, “If you say you’ll try, then you leave yourself a little wiggle room, you leave yourself an out. If you only try then you may not succeed and you feel like that’s okay. But if you say you will, then you have to, because you’ve made a promise to yourself that you will. So say you will make the best science fiction movie and you will.”

I helped Lucas throughout the rest of American Graffiti. I added a few scenes and assistant directed a few others. I coached Cindy quite a bit. There was a scene where Harrison said something while sitting in his car with his girlfriend and Lucas said, “I feel like she should say something here. Like the girl should say something, but I don’t know what.”

“Ain’t he neat? She should say, ‘Ain’t he neat?’ I think that’s what a girl like that would say,” I told him.

As we walked away from a car I told Lucas that was what I thought when I watched him work, I thought – Ain’t he neat? Not in those words exactly, but that’s how I felt. He seemed happy. I was happy he was happy. When I first met him I thought he was entirely too sad and serious for such a young man. (I think he was only 28.)

There was a scene where my character, Debbie, gets her hair mussed when she hides in the bushes. When the scene was over, Lucas said he wanted to fix my hair because he wanted to touch me. I was glad he said that, but I asked him not to fix my hair, I told him I wouldn’t be able to feel it anyway because it was a wig. I told him I didn’t like it in movies when someone has their hair fixed and there was no time for them to fix it. It was one of those little things that bothered me in movies. So he left it. When my scenes were over I took the wig off and asked him to fix my hair and I liked the way he looked at me. (Just FYI: I had brown hair, kind of short, Cindy Williams and I looked a lot alike. If you watch the terrible movie ‘Dinner with Schmucks,’ I’m the French girl – Paul Rudd’s roommate. [I still looked young for my age.] That’s the only movie I can remember being in where I didn’t have on prosthetics, makeup and a wig. ) The whole time while we were filming he never made a pass at me or asked me out.

When the movie wrapped he asked if I was going to the wrap party and I said I didn’t know when my ride was coming for me. I told him I was sad the movie was over because I wouldn’t get to see him again. That was way flirtier than I had ever been with anyone, and it made me uncomfortable to say it, but it had to be said.

Lucas said, “I’ve been thinking about that. About all of it. I’ve been thinking about how well we get along together and how we like the same things, and we’re both into art and science, and I know I’m older than you but I can tell you that never happens. Never. Not even with guys. I don’t know anyone who’s interested in both. And I really like you, I like the way you make me feel, like I could do anything. I like that you believe in me more than I believe in myself. So I’ve been thinking.” He stopped.

I waited. “What have you been thinking?” I really wanted to know, Lucas was a hard man to read. I thought I made him happy, but he really hadn’t been clear about that. “Do you want to see me again? Because I’d like that.”

“Oh Jesus yes. Yes I’d like to see you again. That’s what I’ve been thinking.” He stopped again and this time I didn’t know what to say so I just waited. “I’m thinking I should ask you to marry me,” he said finally. I waited. Nothing.

“You think you should ask me to marry you? When were you thinking of doing that?” This really blew my mind, it was totally unexpected. I thought he would ask me out, or something. That’s what I was hoping for. “Did you want to ask me out? Do you want to find out if we get along?”

“Oh, we get along, we get along great. I get along with you better than anyone. I know we get along. I don’t want to date you, I don’t want to take that chance, I don’t want anyone else to ask you.”

I waited some more. He didn’t want to take what chance, the chance I won’t like him if we dated? He was making me a little nervous, maybe because he was so nervous, I didn’t know.

“I want to be the one who asks you. I think if I wait, even another minute someone else will come along, that’s what I’m afraid of. Will you marry me? I think we’ll be great together. I know we’ll be great together. What do you think?”

“Can I think about it?”

“Yeah. Well, yeah sure, you can think about it,” he hesitated. “Oh God, tell me why you’re thinking about it? Are you thinking about how to say no to me?”

What I was thinking was – why didn’t I just say yes? That’s what I wanted all along, I just didn’t expect it quite like this. It wouldn’t win a prize for most romantic proposal on record, that’s for sure, it was a confusing proposal but the case he made for getting married was right. I knew he was right, there was nobody like him, and there would never be anybody like us. We would be great together. I knew he was right.

George was looking at the dust he was pushing around with his loafers. “So if you’re thinking about how to say no to me, just do it, just say no right now.”


“Oh God.”

“No, I was thinking I should say yes.”


“Yes. That’s your answer. I’ve thought about it long enough, and yes, George Lucas, I will marry you.”

He looked up at me and I was beaming and nodding yes. “Yes,” I said again. “We should kiss or something, don’t you think?”

I walked over to him and kissed him for a long time until Ron Howard came over. “Are you guys kissing because the movie wrapped? Can I get one?”

“Too late, we’re engaged,” I told Ron.

“You dog! George, you dog! I thought there was something going on between you two. You dog!” Ron said again punching George in the arm. Cindy came over and Ron told her the news and she and I jumped up and down holding arms.

“When did this happen?”

“It just happened. Just now. He just asked me now and I said yes,” I told them.

George talked with the boys and I talked with Cindy. Mackenzie came over and said, “Man, I miss everything.”

Lucas kept looking over to me and I could feel he was so happy that I was so happy. My happiness meant everything to him, as his did to me. I knew then that we could each make ourselves happy by making the other one happy, and that’s as it should be. I knew I had the perfect man.

My driver came, he wouldn’t let me stay for the wrap party. He told Lucas I would call him, but, of course I never did. I was tortured and given amnesia, only the memory of that kiss remained, that kiss and his leather shoes in the dust. George was eventually told I was dead.

Posted in Amnesia, Lynn Mickelsen, Music, Physics, Reclaiming My Life!, Science | Tagged , , | Leave a comment